Superhuman Escort Services

Recently, we asked readers the question of how superhumans (or comic book characters in general) might take advantage of the market to achieve financial gain.

Congratulations to our winner, TheOddNumberedMan, who proposed the idea of a superhuman sex industry:

Let's be honest, gentlemen; the first thing people would actually do if they discovered super powers would be to find ways to use them for sex. Imagine the possibilities; Scarlet Witch running a brothel where you can literally live out your fantasies, Dr. Manhattan guaranteeing you an orgy of however many participants you like, and Elastic Man...well, doing his thing, if you catch my drift. The super sex industry would be massive.

Obviously, comic book characters are clever enough to know how to skirt the law with this one. Should some metahumans decide to launch such an agency, they would refer to it as an "escort service" and not a "sex industry." Legally, the business would dispatch employees to entertain customers and to accompany them to social functions. Behind the scenes, however, the agency would focus on allowing its clients to experience their most inner desires and fantasies.

Note that this need not be sexual. I imagine that many clients would seek out the services of this business to live out scenarios that they could not experience for themselves. What if someone dreams of playing the guitar in front of a full crowd of screaming fans at Madison Square Garden? Suppose a disgruntled employee fantasizes of torturing his or her boss. Or how about the Joker and his fantasies of tormenting Batman (like in Emperor Joker)? This business could provide those services and could charge quite a large premium for doing so.

And yes, obviously, there would be a large market for sex. Just to get this out of our systems and move on with the post, I shall say this here: Thor's Magic Hammer, One-Eyed Cyclops, innuendos galore! Oh and Kevin Smith's Kryptonite condom.

Now then let's move on. One of the advantages in running an escort services it that it plays to many of the characters' notable talents. There could also be some potential for supervillain team-ups, which may very well end up preventing more traditional crimes such as bank robberies and murder.

Consider the case of the Gotham City villains. We know that in Frank Miller's interpretation of her, Selina Kyle, aka Catwoman, was initially a prostitute prior to upgrading to Batman's perpetual femme fatale. In The Dark Knight Returns, she actually runs a high-end escort service, which caters to rich businessmen and politicians! So Selina is certainly capable of attracting clients, networking, and managing the business. The Penguin, who previously ran the successful Iceberg Lounge, could use his business sense to handle the finances and administration. Zatanna Zatara is fluent in magical abilities and dark mystics, able to transport individuals through parallel universes, through space and time, etc. The Riddler had invented a virtual reality machine. Poison Ivy has the ability to seduce and hypnotize any man with her lipstick--a powerful aphrodisiac and means to attract new customers. Clayface can morph into any form and has origins as an actor.

Such use of superhuman talent for sex had actually been done before in comics. There was a mutant brothel in the X-Men franchise known as the X-Ranch. Former X-Man Stacy-X, one of its employees, used her abilities to control pheromones to satisfy clients sexually. Emma Frost had once used her psychic abilities in order to, well, pacify a group of angry reporters outside the X-Mansion.

Indeed, these villains stand to make a fortune by combining these talents. Not only would it make economic sense, but each villain has an incentive to do so. Catwoman would make the money to help save endangered species. The Riddler would supplement his income as a private detective to create new gadgets. And Poison Ivy would likely funnel most of her earnings towards the environment and clean energy.

That's right: Superhuman escort services could lead to a greener planet.

Furthermore, it would actually be quite feasible. I can foresee once concern: Batman. However, with the proper ingenuity and legal counsel, they might even be able to prevent Batman from interfering. Remember that in Batman: The Animated Series, he was never able to shut down the Iceberg Lounge, despite the fact that he knew it to be a nexus of illegal criminal activity. In fact, Batman was guilty of making deals with the Penguin in order to catch more dangerous villains -- a service that the ladies of Gotham would certainly be able to provide with their insider knowledge of clients.

If only these villains knew a lawyer. A former District Attorney might do the trick.

Again, thank you all for your wonderful comments. TheOddNumberedMan, please email us at ecocomics.blog@gmail.com with your mailing address and your top 5 choices of graphic novels/comics under $20.

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