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-Green Lanterns report that they have ended Blackest Night. Angry former Lanterns transformed into living dead were provided with huge bonuses and buyout packages and sent happily on their way. The Dept of Justice investigated whether the buyout packages had excessive numbers of human hearts. Lanterns may be forced to make organ restitution to Treasury Department.
-Wolverine sues Dark Wolverine for trademark infringement. Also sues for lameness and poor hairstyle choice. Dark Wolverine counter-sues for same.
-Norman Osborn reports that all H.A.M.M.E.R. agents will need to have their battle suits recalled. Osborn states that the battlesuits have a defective part that causes them to shoot civilians. Osborn places the blame with a famous auto manufacturer. He states that he is canceling his contract for pumpkins bombs and bat gliders that he signed with the company.
-A photo of J. Jonah Jameson at a conference revealed crib notes on his hand, with phrases: "Tax cuts," "Lift spirits," and "Get Spider-Man"
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16 comments:
From this week's Dave Barry repeat:
Yes. According to police, the man walked into the store with his face lathered in shaving cream, apparently believing that this made him unrecognizable. Of course the only place where that disguise would work is Metropolis, the city where Superman lives. The citizens there are so stupid that, in 50 years, they have not figured out that Clark Kent is actually Superman wearing eyeglasses. They would be totally baffled by shaving cream.
BRAIN TEASER: Suppose that, one day in Metropolis, Clark Kent loses his glasses. What can he do to prevent the citizens from realizing that he is Superman?
ANSWER: He can announce: "I'm wearing contact lenses!"
The question this brings up to me is where the superhero secret identity firms are!
Your archnemesis has figured out who you are and he's gunning for your loved ones. Just call up our agents at the number shown at the bottom of your screen and we will provide each of you with a new secret identity, new addresses, backstories, all within a convenient commute of your regular metropolis.
Tired of the nightlife where you are? Are your villains' plots getting boring, predictable, or comically inane? We'll help you set up shop in another city with major crime problems!
In the deluxe package, you all get plastic surgery - discounts for seniors - disguises, a new backstory, headquarters, new home, and we'll arrange the transfer of your former billions to your new identity - the works.
I smell untapped entrep'ial opportunity!
Haha, I went and read the entire column. Of course--the whole glasses/secret identity thing was explained away, though I don't remember what the current story is. It's either the glasses emit some sort of illusion or that one of Superman's powers is that he is able to subconsciously alter his appearance to others.
As far as superhero identity firms, I'm not so sure they would work. I mean the whole point of having a secret identity is to protect your loved ones. These heroes (most of the time) don't tell ANYONE for fear of this sensitive information leaking out. If they're going to keep the identities secret from friends, what would make them trust a group of strangers?
1 - It could be run by a retired super. One of the two Captain America's for instance.
2 - It's a case of their identity has already been blown. Lois gets a brain and puts two and two together; Batman or Spiderman is forced to reveal the secret to protect a loved one (as recently blogged here). Though Spidey refused last time, if he knew he could change identities if he were forced to reveal it, it would provide some additional insurance. I seem to recall Banner's secret leaking out from time to time.
3 - It might be a way to get around the government's confession program. You tell the government who you are and then switch identities and keep switching them.
And by the by, did you see today's "Strange Brew" comic strip? A wild-eyed stock analyst tells people that "Companies that publish superhero comics are a safe bet. Even if their stock dies, it comes back again 3 or 4 months later."
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I remember when the Us were in the best times of the economy they almost can buy anything in everywhere, but now they fall like every plane and every bird has to fall haha
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Thanks mate... just dropped by. Will look for BIKE STN when we get to Seattle. Still in Buenos Airies.
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