Superhuman Escort Services

Recently, we asked readers the question of how superhumans (or comic book characters in general) might take advantage of the market to achieve financial gain.

Congratulations to our winner, TheOddNumberedMan, who proposed the idea of a superhuman sex industry:

Let's be honest, gentlemen; the first thing people would actually do if they discovered super powers would be to find ways to use them for sex. Imagine the possibilities; Scarlet Witch running a brothel where you can literally live out your fantasies, Dr. Manhattan guaranteeing you an orgy of however many participants you like, and Elastic Man...well, doing his thing, if you catch my drift. The super sex industry would be massive.

Obviously, comic book characters are clever enough to know how to skirt the law with this one. Should some metahumans decide to launch such an agency, they would refer to it as an "escort service" and not a "sex industry." Legally, the business would dispatch employees to entertain customers and to accompany them to social functions. Behind the scenes, however, the agency would focus on allowing its clients to experience their most inner desires and fantasies.

Note that this need not be sexual. I imagine that many clients would seek out the services of this business to live out scenarios that they could not experience for themselves. What if someone dreams of playing the guitar in front of a full crowd of screaming fans at Madison Square Garden? Suppose a disgruntled employee fantasizes of torturing his or her boss. Or how about the Joker and his fantasies of tormenting Batman (like in Emperor Joker)? This business could provide those services and could charge quite a large premium for doing so.

And yes, obviously, there would be a large market for sex. Just to get this out of our systems and move on with the post, I shall say this here: Thor's Magic Hammer, One-Eyed Cyclops, innuendos galore! Oh and Kevin Smith's Kryptonite condom.

Now then let's move on. One of the advantages in running an escort services it that it plays to many of the characters' notable talents. There could also be some potential for supervillain team-ups, which may very well end up preventing more traditional crimes such as bank robberies and murder.

Consider the case of the Gotham City villains. We know that in Frank Miller's interpretation of her, Selina Kyle, aka Catwoman, was initially a prostitute prior to upgrading to Batman's perpetual femme fatale. In The Dark Knight Returns, she actually runs a high-end escort service, which caters to rich businessmen and politicians! So Selina is certainly capable of attracting clients, networking, and managing the business. The Penguin, who previously ran the successful Iceberg Lounge, could use his business sense to handle the finances and administration. Zatanna Zatara is fluent in magical abilities and dark mystics, able to transport individuals through parallel universes, through space and time, etc. The Riddler had invented a virtual reality machine. Poison Ivy has the ability to seduce and hypnotize any man with her lipstick--a powerful aphrodisiac and means to attract new customers. Clayface can morph into any form and has origins as an actor.

Such use of superhuman talent for sex had actually been done before in comics. There was a mutant brothel in the X-Men franchise known as the X-Ranch. Former X-Man Stacy-X, one of its employees, used her abilities to control pheromones to satisfy clients sexually. Emma Frost had once used her psychic abilities in order to, well, pacify a group of angry reporters outside the X-Mansion.

Indeed, these villains stand to make a fortune by combining these talents. Not only would it make economic sense, but each villain has an incentive to do so. Catwoman would make the money to help save endangered species. The Riddler would supplement his income as a private detective to create new gadgets. And Poison Ivy would likely funnel most of her earnings towards the environment and clean energy.

That's right: Superhuman escort services could lead to a greener planet.

Furthermore, it would actually be quite feasible. I can foresee once concern: Batman. However, with the proper ingenuity and legal counsel, they might even be able to prevent Batman from interfering. Remember that in Batman: The Animated Series, he was never able to shut down the Iceberg Lounge, despite the fact that he knew it to be a nexus of illegal criminal activity. In fact, Batman was guilty of making deals with the Penguin in order to catch more dangerous villains -- a service that the ladies of Gotham would certainly be able to provide with their insider knowledge of clients.

If only these villains knew a lawyer. A former District Attorney might do the trick.

Again, thank you all for your wonderful comments. TheOddNumberedMan, please email us at ecocomics.blog@gmail.com with your mailing address and your top 5 choices of graphic novels/comics under $20.

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Job Creation: Consulting and Publicity for Supervillains

Yesterday, we discussed the idea of independent, real-estate brokers helping supervillains and up-and-coming criminals find suitable hideouts for their activities. As I had mentioned, it is unlikely that such brokers would really make much money unless they were comfortable charging high premiums to villains and risking the consequences thereof (harm, death, etc).

Here are some better ideas for new businesses concerning villains: marketing, consulting and publicity.

For anyone considering entering the market of villainy in Gotham City, now is a particularly good time to break into the business. The bat family has just undergone an overwhelming shift in personnel. Many heroes are still having some trouble adjusting to their new roles and responsibilities. And it is generally common knowledge that the original Batman is "dead" or gone.

However, as BoneBlaster mentions above, achieving success in the field remains a daunting task. Being a successful criminal is one thing: all you really need is to hold up a convenience store or mug some unsuspecting citizens in a dark alley. However, being a successful supervillain is quite another task. It requires finesse, creativity, networking skills, and the unlikely ability to give Batman a run for his money.

And what's worse is that there are many villains joining the ranks, desperately competing with one another to be noticed by the elite of the underworld. Two-Face and the Joker don't just accept anyone into their teams. If BoneBlaster wants to have the possibility of collaborating with any well-known foe from Batman's rogues gallery, he needs to stand above the crowd. He cannot keep attacking innocent citizens haphazardly, as he does in this issue, but rather he needs adequate planning as to how to most effectively project an image of ruthless tyranny. Otherwise, he risks fading into the background with all of the other one-note hacks who continue to waste valuable resources on gimmicks that never amount to anything (I'm looking at you, Calendar Man).

So it seems to me that it would be a particularly profitable for someone to act as a supervillain consultant. Such consultants could provide a wide variety of services or at least hire separate individuals for these tasks.

One job is generating publicity. If BoneBlaster is serious about gaining the attention of the Joker, he needs an expert who is capable of utilizing his strenghths and minimizing his weaknesses at all possible times. And that includes selecting the most menacing alias and most threatening costume/attire. No one would be scared of someone who dressed like Razorback.

A publicist would also manage when and where the BoneBlaster would appear in public, how he would make his entrances, what he would say to his hostages, how he would handle the police, etc. Lines like "After I dust you, my street cred will be through the roof" completely negate any legitimate authority this man hoped to have against his subject.

In addition, the publicist would negotiate with the media to portray the BoneBlaster in the best (or worst depending on how you view it) possible light in the public's eye. For example, we all know that BoneBlaster got beaten pretty badly by Catwoman and Poision Ivy. But with the right editorial spin, the public would believe that BoneBlaster was capable of defeating Catwoman on his own and that he was only thwarted once Poison Ivy arrived on the scene. Taking on the notirious Catwoman would surely raise some eyebrows.

Another task is content management. In this case, the content is the criminal activity. Obviously, in order for the BoneBlaster to attract the attention of higher supervillains, he needs to be successful in his own attempts. It would be nice for him to have some experts with whom he could strategize the most successful heists, muggings or attempted Batman killings. These consultants would work 'round the clock and keep BoneBlater informed of police locations and routes, banks that might be vulnerable, couples that might be walking down dark allies, and even Batman sightings. Having such information delivered so easily would be invaluable to a new villain, especially one with so many other responsibilities to juggle simultaneously. They might even be able to negotiate the recruitment of henchmen. Everybody knows that any serious villain always has an arsenal of henchmen at his or her disposal.

Finally, there's the networking. BoneBlaster's expert consultants would reach out to other supervillains in the community, organize potential team-ups, and eventually reach out to the upper echelon supervillains themselves. Perhaps this is something that Dr. Horrible should have considered when trying to reach out to Bad Horse.

From the perspective of the consultants/publicists, this would certainly be quite profitable. These services are high in demand from the criminal community, and I believe that most newbies would pay for them, especially considering that it is unlikley that they could manage all of these tasks by themselves or hire legitimate marketing firms.

From the point of view of the criminals, it would be expensive, but like most things in life, it would be an investment. After hiring the right experts, it would not be long before BoneBlaster would be sitting in an abandoned warehouse, playing poker with the Joker, Penguin, Two-Face, and Killer-Croc, discussing that time that they almost got Batman.

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Job Creation: Supervillain Real Estate Brokers

I like the idea of The Broker in this image. Anybody who has ever opened a superhero comic book or has ever seen a superhero movie knows that a villain is likely to take up residence in a location where he or she (or it) could remain under the radar from the authorities. Outside of legitimized villains like Lex Luthor, who have the pleasure of living in their homes, typical hideouts include abandoned warehouses, factories, amusement parks, and toy stores. I still have not been able to come up with an adequate theory as to why villains have such proclivities towards toys -- perhaps it has something to do with having easy access to seeminly innocent gadgets, which could in fact cause substantial harm to a superhero with proper adjustments (those little bomber helicopters seem particularly dangerous).

Let's take the case of Gotham City. Indeed, when one thinks about poverty-striken and run-down cities in the DC Universe, one instinctively thinks of either Bludhaven or Gotham City. That means that there should be many abandoned buildings, warehouses and amusement parks for villains to choose from. Here's the problem: the villain count in Gotham city is growing rapidly, especially following the "death" of Batman. As such, there is heavy competition for the best hideouts, especially among the newer villains trying to break into the business. And even though there are likely many abandoned buildings, obviously not all of them are useable or are located in areas that maximize a villain's ability to remain hidden.

Hence, there are lots of villains and a limited number of vacancies. Not to mention, criminals might be a cowardly and superstitious lot, but there's no denying that they're busy. They have better things to do then look around for a place with adequate plumbing. So what's the solution?

Enter The Broker. An invention only possible from the mind of Paul Dini, The Broker seems to be an independent real-estate agent exclusively for supervillains, who finds potential hideouts for his clients and charges them a finder's fee. This might be a profitable enterprise for crafty businessmen. Let's take a look at average salary statistics for real estate brokers from payscale.

Median Salary by Employer Type - Job: Real Estate Broker (United States)

It looks like the self-employed brokers make the most annually. I am assuming that The Broker is self-employed and does not work for some evil supervillain brokerage firm, so this is fortuitous news for him. What about statistics by city?

Median Salary by City - Job: Real Estate Broker (United States)

If you take a look at New York (the closest model to Gotham City), you will note that average broker salaries seem to pretty decent, relative to other cities. It is not as high as Phoenix or Atlanta, but higher than Los Angeles, Chicago and Houston. So, it seems as though The Broker had picked a lucrative enough criminal profession in a decent location.

There are, however, a few major problems with The Broker's choice of a career path. First of all, I think The Broker would need to charge larger fees in order to compensate for occupational hazards. The guy is working with supervillains. It's a dangerous line of work and it is not unreasonable to assume that some of these villains might not pay, might turn on him, and might even harm him. Look at what happened to the gentleman who tried to sell the Joker the abandoned amusement park in The Killing Joke. I think that even a high of $60,000 a year is not a generous enough salary for dealing with the dangers that The Broker has to face on a daily basis.

Secondly, The Broker is limiting himself to buyer services. Typically, brokers act as intermediaries between buyers and sellers. They help buyers find affordable homes for the lowest possible cost, but they also help sellers sell spaces for the highest possible costs. The very nature of matching up criminals with abandoned hideouts prevents The Broker from providing seller services, from which brokers make a large percentage of commissions. He is not speaking to criminals on behalf of any owners and does not own the buildings himself. It is an illegal transaction, which also has the potential to be discovered by the authorities. Not to mention, he is most likely dealing with up-and-coming villains such as the BoneBlaster. These newbies are not likely to be able to afford the high-scale, upper-class abandoned warehouses, but rather the more modest ones in questionable neighborhoods.

Thus, it seems The Broker is actually quite restricted in the income he could make from his business. Though creative, a "thriving business" in Gotham City it is not. I highly doubt it would last long and I believe The Broker would be filing for bankruptcy rather quickly if he continued.

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