Can Wolverine Build a School?

Wolverine #17 by Jason Aaron and Ron Garney

Marvel Comics, 2011

Where does Wolverine get his money from? If he has managed to save up enough to start a new school for mutants in Westchester, he must certainly have exercised several lifetimes of prudent money management. Here is what we had to say about this before:

Throughout his long, long life Wolverine has shown very little interest in matters of an economic nature. He's spent most of his time living in cabins, hovels, and sleeping in the beds and houses of others. His worldly possessions seldom exceed the clothes on his back (usually a jumpsuit made of spandex or leather), a cache of cheap cigars, a motorcycle, and a six-pack of beer. This is the sum of the worldly possessions he has accrued in over 100 years of life. Granted, a large part of this life was spent being mind controlled and experimented on, but in the years since he's escaped from Weapon X, Wolverine has made a series of life decisions which placed him in financial jeopardy.

We know Wolverine likes to live a life of modesty. Previously, I thought this was due to the fact that, despite living the equivalent of several lifetimes, he never took a job that was lucrative enough for him to splurge on things like mansions and jets.

Evidently, this is incorrect. Turns out that Wolverine has been slowly saving for years and has now accrued enough funds to open a school.

I haven't the fainted idea of what it costs to open a school. I doubt that the Xavier Institute was a charter school or received any sort of public funding. In today's Marvel Universe, mutants are still highly stigmatized so it is unlikely that Wolverine will be able to receive any sort of grant or government assistance, unless through nefarious means (snikt snikt). I do, however, know that it is extremely expensive, probably requiring initial funding of upwards of $500,000 to one million dollars. Westchester County, New York, also seems like it would be particularly costly.

Is it possible that Wolverine managed to save up this much money? Actually, it doesn't seem that crazy. Let's assume all assets that he had saved up prior to his kidnapping by the Weapon X program had been wiped (it is unlikely that the sinister Canadian organization let him keep his money). Then, once Logan escapes the program (well after World War II), he had to start with nothing.

He then met Charlies Xavier and joined up with the X-Men in the 1970s. I think it's safe to assume that he started his savings at this point. Assuming that he had been paid a salary for his service (something of which I am not sure, though I imagine he needed some form of income to, you know, eat) and that he served continuously through the present (a stretch, but it would be difficult to account for all the gaps in his time with the X-Men), it is certainly feasible that Wolverine had saved the amount required to at the very least put forth the initial funds. He had been actively working for four decades (longer if you count the time between Weapon X and the X-Men, where he was employed with Department K and probably earned some sweet government pay) and his expenses were minimal (for a while, he took up free residence at the X-Mansion and, as mentioned above, spends very little on material things).

Therefore, it would appear as though Wolverine's modest lifestyle is evidence of prudence and thrift, rather than of having little assets.

Hell, Logan might even be part of the 1%.

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Externalities: Week of 06/07/10

Superheroes fight crime and save lives. But by doing so they impose certain costs on people not directly involved. These are superhero externalities.

#3) Subways

Wolverine: Weapon X #13 by Jason Aaron and Ron Garney, Marvel Comics (2010)

Logan has a bad habit of driving people's heads into subway cars. Even if they are terminator-like assassins from the future sent to the present day to wipe out all superhero threats.

Perhaps this isn't an exteranlity at all. It might be completely intentional. Maybe Logan just has a thing against subways.

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#2) The Golden Gate Bridge

X-Force #27 by Craig Kyle, Christ Yost and Mike Choi, Marvel Comics (2010)

With the "Second Coming" story arc/crossover in full swing, the external damage keeps on coming. See that orb in the first panel? That is a spherical portal located at the center of a large, impenetrable dome encapsulating all of San Francisco, including Utopia (the X-Men's new island home). That dome apparently causes lots of damage to the city. Oh yeah, and the Nimrods--super sentinels from the future sent by Bastion to kill the X-Men--are doing their fair share as well.

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#1) The Grand Canyon

Irredeemable #14 by Mark Waid and Diego Barreto, BOOM! Studios (2010)

Aha! Somewhere in the corners of the universe (apparently, over at BOOM Studios), superheroes are cognizant of the effects that their weekly battles have on innocent bystanders, private and public property, and the environment. Here, we have former members of the Paradigm, Earth's premier superhero squad, preparing for a battle with the renegade Plutonian, who spent the last few months systemically destroying city after city. To prepare for the battle, the team sets up camp at the Grand Canyon, an area with currently no bystanders, cars, buildings, sidewalks, subways, or mailboxes that they might accidentally blow up with plasma lasers.

Smart move, guys.

--

Feel free to send us your favorite externalities of the week. We'll throw them up on next week's post and credit your name.

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Externalities: Week of 4/26/10

Superheroes fight crime and save lives. But by doing so they impose certain costs on people not directly involved. These are superhero externalities.

Rather than do a separate "externalities" post for each disaster, I thought I might try sharing all of the best ones from the week in a single post.

Here we go:

Uncanny X-Men #523 by Matt Fraction and Terry Dodson, Marvel Comics (2010)

Cable and Hope are on the run from Bastion, a "super-sentinel from the future hellbent on exterminating all mutants." Bastion's goons have tracked the pair of heroes to a little motel and have begun to surround the joint.

The only way out? Heavy destruction of city and personal property, of course.

Wolverine: Weapon X #12 by Jason Aaron and Ron Garney, Marvel Comics (2010)

Hate waiting for the subway? Bet you would hate it even more if the A train was regularly delayed by underground superhuman battles.

Here we have Captain America attempting to escape an army of Deathloks, powerful Terminator-like cyborgs sent back in time from the future to eliminate the superheroes that would one day pose a threat to their reign. The chase leads Cap down into a subway station, where a group of innocent bystanders are trying to get home from work.

Oops.

Ultimate Avengers #6 by Mark Millar and Carlos Pacheco, Marvel Comics (2010)

Ultimate Captain America is not faring much better. Currently, he is using his ship to teleport around the world in search of the evil Red Skull. Too bad his flight skills are getting in the way.

This is, of course, a Mark Millar comic, so there is no shortage of pointless destruction. What's particularly fascinating here is how little Captain America seems to care about this blatant destruction and potential harm of others individuals.

Anything to get the job done, I suppose.

Amazing Spider-Man #628 by Roger Stern and Lee Weeks, Marvel Comics (2010)
Click to See More

Ah, a classic maneuver. During an airborne chase/battle, Spider-Man and Captain Universe crash through the window of a health club, damaging not only the window, but some expensive equipment. And they're not even members!

Interestingly enough, Spider-Man actually recognizes that innocent people might be getting hurt during the battle. Following this episode at the health club, he leads Captain Universe to an abandoned field so that the two could continue fighting, while only imposing minimal damage to third parties. It's nice to see that Spider-Man has a sense about these things, as opposed to, say, Ultimate Captain America.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 8 #34 by Brad Meltzer and Georges Jeanty,
Dark Horse Comics (2010)
Click to See More: WARNING: SLAYER/VAMPIRE LOVE-MAKING

I saved the best for last. If you're a Buffy fanatic and have not yet heard the identity of Twilight, then you should turn away from this post immediately because here comes the MASSIVE SPOILER. I'm serious.

OK, it's Angel. Buffy and Angel have been reunited at last. The first thing they do, obviously, is have some sex. Sounds innocent enough. Hell, they've done it before and the only result was an evil Angel.

Here's the problem. Buffy has recently been granted extra superhuman powers, which she was able to harness from recently fallen slayers. Meanwhile, Angel is, um, pretty powerful too. Apparently, when two especially powerful beings like Buffy and Angel get it on, the universe reacts. And not in a good way.

Remember the infamous love scene between Superman and Wonder Woman in Frank Miller's The Dark Knight Strikes Again? This is even worse. To balance out the enormous surge of power, the universe has to kill off a bunch of life or energy or something. Honestly, I'm not exactly clear yet what's going on. But Giles was not subtle in saying that Buffy's happiness is uncontroversially bad for the world. Tidal waves. Volcanic eruptions. The works.

That's right. Buffy and Angel want to be happy. The only cost is on the rest of the world. I'd say that's a pretty big externality.

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Externalities: Wolverine and Women Edition

Superheroes fight crime and save lives. But by doing so they impose certain costs on people not directly involved. These are superhero externalities.

Wolverine: Weapon X #10 by Jason Aaron and C.P. Smith, Marvel Comics (2010)

Ah, the classic superhero externality. Wolverine has chosen a life dedicated to fighting crime and putting himself at danger for the greater good. Unfortunately, this means that every individual who elects to be involved with him on a personal or intimate level is automatically put in danger as well. This is precisely why superheroes wear masks.

You can see here that Wolverine's proposed solution is simply to not get involved. He implicitly values his obligation to fight crime more than his desire for romantic attachments. Mentors and friends have advised--some even ordered--that he always keep an arm's length. The goal is to minimize any externalities on innocent parties not part of the superhero/supervillain game.

Consider the case of smoking. Smoking imposes a cost on society in the form of second-hand smoke risks. As a response, legislation was put into place to prohibit smoking in bars, restaurants, etc. in various cities. This way, smokers are free to smoke their cigarettes, although they pay the cost of having to wait outside in the cold instead of being comfortable in their bar seats.

From Wolverine's point-of-view, he is basically imposing the same sort of legislation on himself. He is forcing himself to stand outside in the cold so as to not poison innocents with his second-hand smoke. Had he not done this, I'm betting Scott Summers, acting as the de facto government, would have ordered it.

But what happens in a situation like in Wolverine: Weapon X #11? In this case, he is not after the girl, but the girl (Melita Garner) is after him. And she won't take no for an answer. What we have here is someone who would rather Wolverine not smoke cigarettes at all (i.e., not fight crime), but would rather be together at all times with him smoking than force him to do it outside.

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Superheroes and Paternity Lawsuits

It has recently occurred to me that superheroes have been discovering long-lost children for quite a while. Batman found that his genes had been used to make a rather irate Damian al Ghul. Wolverine found out the baby he thought had died had become the murderous Daken. Cable was revealed as Scott Summers' time-lost son, Nathan Summers. Nightcrawler was revealed as the child of Azazel (a demon lord of limbo) and Mystique. The Incredible Hulk was recently introduced to Skaar. Hidden familial relationships have been popping up in comics for quite a while. Wolverine even has at least one other child he doesn't know about (does anyone remember the "Wolverine: The Jungle Adventure" special by Simonson and Mignola?).

Further complicating these revelations is that these superhero dads frequently have tumultuous and often negative relationships with their children. Damian tried to murder Robin (Tim Drake) a few hours after being brought into the bat-cave. Daken has slit Wolverine's throat more times than even Daniel Way could count. These are not relationships that are likely to culminate in father-son picnics or games of catch.



In light of the fact that there are so many strained father/child relationships in comic books, it makes me wonder why there aren't many more lawsuits aimed at these unwitting deadbeat dads. After all, in all of these relationships, the father has not contributed to child-rearing. Neither financial nor emotional support was given to these children during their development.

Granted each of these cases is very complex and is not analogous to most paternal situations. Can Scott Summers be expected to pay back child support for a son who was raised in the future? Regardless of moral obligation, I would be hard pressed to find a legal precedent to support any litigation against Cyclops. But though these father/child relations are strange, does that mean that the comic book dads involved are excused from the obligations that are placed upon normal fathers? I'm not sure that's fair. I don't think Scott Summers should be allowed to abandon his clone wife and his son to hang out with X-Factor, only to help kill his clone wife, regain custody of his son, get his baby infected with the T-O virus, and send him into the future. I think we need more accountability than that.

Clearly the lack of paternal interaction has caused some anger issues in these long lost children. Damian al Ghul is quasi psychotic and at the very least has severe anger issues. Nightcrawler became a priest (if that's not rebelling against being sired by a demon, i don't know what is). Daken is a mass murderer with a particular love for cutting pieces off of his father. Cable just shoots lots of things, period. These children act out, in part because of the lack of support provided by their fathers.

But if these children really want retribution against their parents, wouldn't the path of legal recourse be more satisfying (and significantly less likely to result in bodily harm)? And if these wayward children don't take legal recourse against their estranged fathers, does it encourage comic book dads to send their children into the future (or another dimension, continent, etc.) to avoid their financial and parental obligations? Is that the message we want to send? We need to encourage men like Reed Richards (arrogant and emotionally distant though he may be) who stick around and support their children.

It's just the right thing to do.

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Criminal Organizations of the Marvel Universe: The Hand

Ah the Hand. They are Marvel's mysterious equivalent of the Yakuza. The Hand rule the criminal underworld of Japan with an iron fist, using ninjas to enforce their whims. These silent and deadly assassins make the Hand particularly terrifying since they are able to strike quickly and silently to eliminate their foes.

But how effective are ninjas once superheroes are thrown into the mix? The Hand have frequently found themselves in conflict with the likes of Daredevil, Wolverine, Electra, and other costumed heroes (including the New Avengers and the X-Men). In all of those cases, the heroes have come out on top, resoundingly trouncing the Hand and their well-trained enforcers. Granted this is usually the outcome whenever a criminal organization goes up against a hero or heroes, but the amount of energy required to train hand ninjas makes these losses even more devastating.


Let's break it down. In order for a single Hand ninja to be an effective enforcer, they require a certain baseline level of skill. To be effective, the average hand ninja needs to be able to at least take out one average street thug with a gun. But the training required for a ninja (who fights primarily with short range melee and thrown weapons) is obviously greater than the training required for the average street thug. In order to be a threat, a Hand ninja needs to learn the use of multiple weapons and martial arts styles quickly and effectively. The ninja also needs training in stealth. By cultivating these skills, a well-trained Hand ninja will be able to negate the inherent advantage provided by using a firearm, allowing the Hand ninja to dispatch his/her enemies with style and efficiency. But this can only be achieved by having a ninja train extensively for many months with several masters of respective styles and skills (swords, shuriken, stealth, etc.).


It also seems likely that the Hand will need to recruit individuals into their service who are outstanding physical specimens. Proper ninjas need a baseline amount of speed, strength, and dexterity that not every human being possesses. As a result, the Hand would need to screen and recruit applicants prior to their ninja training. And in some cases, the Hand ritually murder their trained ninjas and resurrect them to give them superhuman strength and endurance. This ceremony takes at least a day and requires the efforts of a dozen of the Hand's gifted sorcerers. All in all, this is a lot of time and energy invested into a single Hand ninja.


And then Wolverine kills several hundred of these ninjas in a single day. The investment hardly seems worth the return.




To produce a single ninja requires at least several months and the continuous effort of multiple ninja trainers. Hundreds of man-hours are expended. And Wolverine merely needs to flick his wrist to negate all of that effort.

In a world where heroes can wade through your well-trained sycophants, it certainly seems more economical to hire random thugs with some marksmanship training and provide them with automatic weapons than to imbue hundreds of ninjas with mystical powers. Sure, undead ninjas are cooler but if they're just going to be torn apart anyway why not save yourself the time and effort of training your cannon-fodder?

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Wolverine: Several Lifetimes of Money Management

Wolverine is the ultimate badass. Any man who routinely is shot in the face and regards chopping someone in half as part of a standard work day is pretty damn badass. When faced with an unstoppable army of thousands of undead ninjas, there is no man I would rather have by my side (actually in front of me) than Wolverine.

But he's not a man I would want managing my 401k.

Throughout his long, long life Wolverine has shown very little interest in matters of an economic nature. He's spent most of his time living in cabins, hovels, and sleeping in the beds and houses of others. His worldly possessions seldom exceed the clothes on his back (usually a jumpsuit made of spandex or leather), a cache of cheap cigars, a motorcycle, and a six-pack of beer. This is the sum of the worldly possessions he has accrued in over 100 years of life. Granted, a large part of this life was spent being mind controlled and experimented on, but in the years since he's escaped from Weapon X, Wolverine has made a series of life decisions which placed him in financial jeopardy.

First, he left employment with Department K and Alpha Flight to become a member of the X-Men. This provided Wolverine with food, shelter, and access to Jean Grey but denied him the benefits of being a government employee. That is, of course, assuming that government secret weapons have access to excellent health care and a pension program. But since his time with the X-Men Wolverine has consistently shown he's just not interested in money. He became involved in the criminal syndicates of Madripoor, but only did so out of loyalty to the guys who ran his favorite bar and because he was attracted to the local boss, Tyger Tiger. At nearly all opportunities he avoided any financial gain through these criminal activities. He even became a mob enforcer later in life. But this was only so he could reorganize the structure of the mafia family to his personal liking. He became an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. and left shortly after the purpose of his membership changed. He never saves money and doesn't place himself in a position to acquire assets.

But despite all this, Wolverine has stayed afloat. He's been able to purchase the things he wants when he needs to purchase them. It seems like beer, gasoline for a Harley, and plane tickets to Japan are always within his budget. Of course it's possible that he purchases everything with credit. And then when AIG sends him a bill, he mails it back with a picture of his claws covered in blood. All debts would be subsequently cleared.

But regardless, Wolverine's spartan lifestyle seems to be enough to sustain him. He has plenty of free time to right random wrongs, save the world with 3-4 teams of heroes, and sleep with the dozens of women who have shacked up with him over the years. Though Wolverine may not be very rich in the traditional sense, if he maintains his current lifestyle, it seems like he is managing his money quite well. He doesn't spend frivolously, he knows what he wants, and he makes sure that he gets it.

Of course if Wolverine ever tries to settle down and lead a normal life, his lack of assets could be disastrous. See "Old Man Logan" for the consequences of not saving enough to pay your rent money.

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Where Does the Canadian Government Get the Money from to Keep Making Super-Soldiers?

In the Marvel Universe, Canada is responsible for creating some of the most deadly super-soldiers in history. Wolverine, Sabretooth, Deadpool, Kane, and Agent Zero were all deadly assassins who were empowered by Canada's Weapon X program. This secret division of the Canadian government went to great expense to create nearly unstoppable weapons (and in almost all cases, allow them to escape shortly thereafter). This gives rise to a single question: WHY?

What threat was Canada so afraid of that the government felt the need to constantly produce human death machines?

"Holy Crap, Quebec is getting uppity again, let's coat another mutant in adamantium!"

One explanation is that Canada needed its own meta-human defenders. This was, of course, the reason why Canada's own Alpha Flight was formed. But Weapon X had a different purpose. It was supposed to create unstoppable assassins. Work by writers like Larry Hama, Grant Morrisson, and Frank Tieri has muddied the waters in terms of the purpose of Weapon X and why it was built. Based on divergent histories, Weapon X may have been a subdivision of the CIA, a covert operations training program, or an offshoot of a counter-mutant program developed by sentient bacteria. That's right, I actually typed that sentence.

Regardless, someone in the Canadian government was still there to provide funding for Weapon X, whatever its intended purpose may have been. And I'm sure they had to receive progress reports such as: "We created a supersoldier with a healing ability and an indestructible skeleton. And he was really cool. But then he killed all of the scientists and the guards... and he's living in the woods now. So... we need more money."

And Canada, true and loyal country that it is, kept footing the bill. And Weapon X kept on chugging, giving bionic enhancements and healing factors to the clinically insane. Now that's good government.

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